My dearest old friend Myf This weather over the holiday was amazing wasn’t it? Hope to God it wasn't our summer and it’s been and gone! Flaming Norah your nose - if it’s anything like the one you had last year on holiday it’s like a beacon shining out in the night. Aircraft round here may think you're guiding them in! Don’t stay outside too long will you? I’m worried about you with those hair straighteners and that you’re going to frazzle your hair and it snaps off. You’re meant to dry your hair first! For God’s sake don’t use it on wet hair, you’ll electrocute yourself! You do worry me Myf, you do need some lessons. Mind you, we've had so many lessons over the years, and some extraordinary ones. Remember that time we got tied upside down to a tree in Greece and those blokes threw rotten tomatoes at us. What fun eh? Best part was skinny dipping to try and get rid of those tomato pips. Bloody hell, the places they could get into! Thinking of that is really making me rather HOT under the collar, phew …. best off for a cold shower. But maybe we need to have another little adventure soon, it’s been so long. Best get me thinking cap on. Oh dear Myf, I think I’ve got a water infection. I’ve been up and down to the hospital recently and I always worry about using the loos in those places. Now I can’t stop peeing. I feel like I want to pee, nearly pee myself thinking about wanting to pee, then when I do go to pee, I nearly pee myself before I pee! Blimey, that was hard work telling you all about my peeing! So cranberry juice is going in like nobody’s business. I’m sure I’ll be peeing pure cranberry soon. Be glad when it’s gone, I’m wearing a hole in my floor trotting back and forward, in out in out …. and the amount of loo roll well, there is another story. Alcohol is off limits and I really do fancy a trip down the river with a couple of bottles to reminisce. Let’s take a waterproof blanket for your piles and If I wee myself, then all will be well too. Dear lord Myf I’ve gotta go again, Duty calls Hope to catch up soon Love Mor x #hospitaltoilets #toilets #waterinfection #pee #Greece #tomatoes #skinnydipping #tomatopips
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My Dear Morwenna What a beautiful day it’s been – not known an Easter like this for many years. Been sitting in the garden but now I look like a bloody lobster and yes, the nose is glowing! Mor, I must ask you about this hair straightener contraption that you suggested I buy. Not sure I’ve really got the hang of them yet – my hair seems to end up sticking out in all directions all over my head, that’s not right is it? I can feel it waving about in the breeze like a bloody peacock! Also, are they supposed to smoke when you’ve got your hair in them? I end up smelling like a damp dog sitting too close to the fire – can’t be right. Going back to the past – I remember the Greek Islands with that bloke. God he was gorgeous, wasn’t he? Shame he got done for smuggling. Can’t remember the woman we cleaned for though, glad it didn’t last long cos I bloody hate cleaning. But hell yes, I remember the gardener and his mate. That was an incredible time and I learnt things there that I never even realised were physically possible. Who knew that you could get your legs into those positions? Maybe it’s something just the Greeks do, cos I’ve never managed it since!!! Blimey Mor, we've had some adventures haven't we? What a life we’ve had and shared, and I don’t regret a single moment. The woman in Sainsburys sounds a right bloody nightmare. Not bumped into her, and I’m sure I would have remembered. Seems we’re magnets for every nutter going. Which reminds me of that odd bloke in Greece who kept shouting at everyone and telling them they needed to wear red or they were doomed. You must remember him – he was dressed from head to foot in red – looked like a bloody tomato! Must say I enjoyed our little night out the other week. That first bottle of Prosecco slipped down pretty quick though, didn’t it? But the prices they charge in these places is criminal – we would have been better off buying a couple of bottles from Tesco and slipping off down to the river like we used to. Mind you, the older we get the more comfort we need – a damp arse plays havoc with me piles these days. Well my love, I suppose I’d better get on. Need to bring the washing in now – another pile of sodding ironing that will all end up in the washing basket next week. Makes you wonder whether it’s all worth it – maybe we should try our luck in the Greek Islands again!!!! Talk to you soon love, Be good. Love Myf xxxx #hairstraighteners #thegreekbloke #greekislands #cleaning #nutter #prosecco #riverbank Hello you old fart Well I hear you have been letting rip on the farting front. You call me the Gatling Gun, but I bet you could give me a run for my money! Yeh we did do the Casino, and no it didn’t last long. We didn’t like the handy men and the guy with the ball in his eye bloody deserved it. We did a runner - don’t you remember? One of the chaps (who was rather nice) had a boat and so we sailed off for a few weeks around the Greek Islands. That was a fabulous time and we even managed to get some work in the olive groves - God I hate olives, think it’s probably from picking so many. But blimey Myf, there were some tasty Greeks amongst those olive trees. But that all came to an abrupt end when the guy on the boat got done for smuggling cigarettes (well we assumed they were cigarettes - they certainly weren't budgies in his swimming trunks) and we made a hasty retreat. We did a spot of cleaning for that posh knob of a woman who didn’t know one end of a duster from the other. What a flaming twat she was. But hey, the up side of that was we had the place to ourselves most of the time, and boy did we party! Until she came back and found us in an embarrassing situation with the gardener and his mate! Well, best not go into that one but we did have fun. I’m sure you will add a little to this story as it comes flooding back to you. Well what a day it's been … went shopping this morning and this bloody woman in Sainsbury's was walking round in a towelling dressing gown, a coat with a wolf on the back and a sun hat. Boy oh boy, what a bloody state. Walking round shouting at everyone, talking to herself, taking her hat and coat off and throwing them on the floor! Well typical of Sainsbury's, the staff took no bloody notice of her at all. Maybe they knew her. It was all rather embarrassing. I kept dodging down the next aisle cos I knew she would collar me. Think I’ve got one of those faces that says “come on you twats, come and talk to me, I’m a soft touch”. Mug written all over me face! Well thank God I managed to escape … but I’d watch the local papers because she may make the headlines! Gotta go love, Fidget and Widget need feeding and I need to go on poop patrol in the garden before the window cleaners come. Speak soon love. Look forward to some more reminiscing. Yours truly Morwenna xxx #sailing #sainsbury's #casino #Greece #olives #olivepicking #cleaning Dear Morwenna I don’t think you can blame me for getting us the sack from the Sausage Factory. It was your idea to see how big we could get a sausage. I didn’t think it would explode like that and it was just unfortunate that a bloody great dollop of sausage meat hit the wanker manager on the back of the head. We should have known really that pulling and pushing on the skin was never going to end well. Mind you, that manager was an arse wasn’t he? I can’t for the life of me understand why some people just do not have one iota of humour in them. I mean, all the girls in the factory were pissing themselves but he just had that slapped-arse face on. Wonder what happened to him. More to the point, I wonder what happened to that whingey-whiney kid and whether he ever got over got over the trauma of having his hair sucked up by a toy soldier! Was it the casino next? I don’t remember too much about that so we couldn’t have been there that long. But we did work nights so were probably pissed most of the time. I have a vague memory of the ball flying off your roulette wheel and causing a bit of damage to that old man’s eye. Mind you, if I remember rightly he was a bit of a lech and far too handy for his own good. Didn’t deserve to be blinded though! Was that why we got the sack? Must go now Mor, need a wee – bladder’s not what it used to be either! Talk soon, Lots of Love Myf xxxx #sausagefactory #sausageskin #casino #roulette #roulettewheel #oldman |
Myf & MorTwo mature ladies (using that word loosely) growing old disgracefully and finally realising that the "F**k It" attitude is probably the best one to have. Archives
September 2019
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